I don’t know why I feel such a sense of guilt writing this end of year wrap or, or any wrap up really. I think it’s because I put a lot of pressure on myself so if I don’t achieve the goal I feel I have failed. Even getting time to write this has been a challenge and certainly not my usual end of year schedule where it’s spaced out beautifully.
The weird thing is I felt little guilt over my neglect through the year, not so much because I didn’t post, but because I actually forgot a lot of the time so I wasn’t remembering to post. I think this also played into the fact I don’t feel I read a lot this year. I know I fell behind on my goal and I’m not quite game to check but I am almost certain I didn’t hit my target.
In other news I finished writing a book, have almost finished writing another. I’d like to think that played a role too but I know I am only grasping at excuses. I was incredibly busy with life and I think the combo of time, and not having a lot of books to think about, I didn’t feel the overwhelming crush of pressure and guilt about not posting reviews. Which I should be relieved about, but alas has actually made me feel guiltier on reflection.
It’s definitely a combination of the fact I have been doing this for so long, this was my tenth year, it was supposed to be better. But work and family commitments take up time. Life takes up time. In the past I’ve slipped because of illness, burnt out, holidays, plus a range of other things. But I know I can be better. Which I think is worse. I think my end of year tradition has become me lamenting about not doing things and neglecting this blog. I must stop doing that too (she says as she continues to do it).
Going into my eleventh year I am trying to be kinder to myself. Which, I know, I have said a lot in the past too. I make plan to change things up, change schedules, try and make it more manageable. But I think I am at a loss with plans. I think you can’t plan once you hit a certain point. I need to read more certainly, but also don’t be reliant on a schedule to keep.
If I read a book I will post about it. If I have a solid run for a while then I don’t I will try my absolute hardest to not feel weird about it. The blog will be here patiently waiting for my return.
I got to participate in a book release recently for an author who I have been reading since my very first year doing this. They were an author I picked up when I had opened my review requests (god how I miss those!) and I have been invested ever since. It took me back to those hectic but simpler earlier days. To be honest I think life and the general world was simpler then so it probably doesn’t count. But it has given me something to think about going into year eleven of this endeavour.
I honestly still love it. I love doing it. So why haven’t I been able to? I don’t think I will get an easy answer on that. I do think the lack of reading hasn’t helped. When a book speaks to you, and you love it, being able to sing its praises is easier. I think getting out of the habit made it hard. As hard as it is to make a habit, getting back to one I think is just as challenging.
I see the regular faces who like my posts when I do post and I want to thank you for sticking with me all this time. Through my weird schedules, my absence, through social media upheaval when nothing is seen, nothing connects anymore, and for still reading my words when you all no doubt have the exact same distractions going on in your own lives.
I am not ready to quit this. I do not want to give up on it. I only ask the world slow down a little and give me a chance to rediscover my deep love for this blog because it’s there below the surface, buried beneath a little dirt and mud but I have bought a shovel and I am willing to dig down deep to uncover it again.
Looking back I once again thrived in the first part of the year. I already have reviews lined up for next year so not doubt this will happen again. I read some wonderful books this year, not exceeding my goal or anything, I think it will be a tight finish if I meet it at all. Maybe with some last minute cheat shorty books but I think that’s ok. It’s definitely indicative of how I haven’t read a lot, couldn’t read a lot. But this is why I have thrown myself into audiobooks because you can listen anywhere, anytime. I’m 90% sure this is how I’ve gotten to read anything at all these past few years.
I’ve still got a few hours to go so reading will still be happening. I have added up my Book Bingo and matched the appropriate books to their places. I’ll do a separate post for those, but it isn’t as dire as I thought. One good things about reading so many books, and knowing my own tastes is I can get quite lucky by chance filling in those squares when I fall behind.
I reread last years wrap up, and it’s made me feel a bit better about everything. I definitely think I’m in an ok place going into 2024. I was always doing this for fun and my own enjoyment. If it ever stops being that I will worry, but for now, neglect and guilt aside, I am going into next year with this blog in tow, even if it’s a little battered and bruised and covered in a thin layer of dust.
But enough of that. For now I wish you all a happy new year and may 2024 bring you wonders and joy! I will be watching the fireworks with awe as per usual, and will step blindly into the new year with whatever may come.
I find myself in a strange situation where for the first time since 2008 I don’t have a writing mission for November.
A few days ago, as I was looking up old posts to reference for another blog post, I came across one where I was celebrating my 600th post. It was a wild flashback to 2017 and at the end of the post I pondered where I would be in another 600. I thought to myself, obviously I immediately forgot about that once I posted it and have probably passed that new milestone now, what with the more regular schedule I had been on in past years than those early ones. I checked and what do you know, I was on 1198. You couldn’t have planned this better.
