The Way I Am Now (#2) by Amber Smith

Published: 7 November 2023 (print)/7 November 2023 (audio) Goodreads badge
Publisher:
Margaret K. McElderry Books/Spotify Audio
Pages: 229/10 hrs and 37 mins
Narrator: Jordan Fisher and Rebekkah Ross
Format: Audiobook
Genre: Contemporary Young Adult
★   ★   ★ – 3 Stars

Eden and Josh never had a fair shot at a healthy relationship. When they dated in high school, they each had their own problems getting in the way of the deep connection they felt toward one another. Unbeknownst to Josh, Eden was carrying the burden of a devastating sexual assault, while Josh was dealing with his own private struggle of having an alcoholic father.

Months after Eden and two other girls publicly accuse their rapist, Eden is starting college while her case goes to trial. Now when she and Josh reconnect, it seems like it might finally be in the right place at the right time for them to make it work. But is their love strong enough to withstand the challenges and chaos of college and the crushing realities of a trial that will determine whether Eden gets the justice she deserves?

It took me a year to read this after having read the first book in the duology. While I had conflicting feelings over the first story, having read the second made me remember the key moments of the first book and fade away what I found to be boring. I think the driving part of this was the Eden/Josh relationship. That was the better part of the first book and while I immensely respect the story Smith told the first time around, I liked this one better.

There really was something about Smith’s writing in the first book that kept me thinking about trying the sequel. I would see it there and keep it on my saved list to get to when I had a chance around other books I wanted to read. I was connected to Eden and Josh and if that was the pull of the sequel then that’s what got me to finally pick it up.

I really like the Eden/Josh relationship. They are good together, work through their issues together, and have a good communication style. It’s interesting how fond I feel for these characters, especially when I gave book one 2.5 stars, but the dynamic and honesty between the pair, the emotional connection, really grabs you. Maybe not intensely or dramatically, but it hooks on and doesn’t let go.

The story itself is good. We’ve been with Eden for three years and now she is at university and trying again with Josh, the right way round this time, dates and all. The characters we’ve met in book one are back. He mother is different, her father is worse, and her brother is more supportive and in her corner which I loved. The friends she has have also had their own experiences which change them and mixing all of these together brings its own challenges.

The story is nowhere near as dark or intense as the first, more reflective, less emotional (but not emotionless), and full of hope. There is intrigue and a compelling story right away so it keeps you engaged. You are enamoured by these people and want to see where their story goes. Having the history of book one behind you Smith doesn’t need to give us a huge reintroduction into any of these people because we know them already, the only difference is seeing how they’ve evolved.

The storyline from book one continues and we see the consequences from Eden’s action of outing her rapist which was great. Her bravery and the challenges she faced are played out and it was good to see the “after” moment of the big reveals and challenges that characters often make.

Aside from the court case in the background, this is a very character driven story as Josh and Eden find their place and work out their lives together. Their affection for one another never feels saccharine or unrealistic, it’s solid, especially given the risk and the dangers they started out with.

I was sceptical going in, but Smith does a great job finishing the story that began so dark and traumatic, moving it into a lighter more hopeful space. There is still the ongoing consequences of the first book which was a realism I appreciated. There are no perfect fixes, Eden isn’t magically healed, Josh isn’t always perfect, and the stresses of life and emotional tolls cause conflict.

I’m curious as to whether there will be a third. I don’t think it needs it, I think Smith finishes the story in a perfect place that is open and up to the reader. Especially given how it ends I think picking a solid conclusion would be risky. But if a third one came along I would no doubt be intrigued enough to see where it went.

You can purchase The Way I am Now via the following

QBDDymocks | Booktopia

WorderyBlackwell’s | Angus & Robertson

Fishpond | Amazon | Amazon Aust | Audible

Only Mostly Devastated by Sophie Gonzales

Published: 3 March 2020 (print)/7 January 2021 (audio) Goodreads badge
Publisher:
Wednesday Books/Macmillan Young Listeners
Pages: 281/7 hrs and 48 mins
Narrator: Mark Sanderlin
Format: Audiobook
Genre: Young Adult Romance
★   ★   ★   ★ – 4 Stars

Will Tavares is the dream summer fling – he’s fun, affectionate, kind – but just when Ollie thinks he’s found his happily ever after, summer vacation ends and Will stops texting Ollie back. Now Ollie is one prince short of his fairy-tale ending, and to complicate the fairy tale further, a family emergency sees Ollie uprooted and enrolled at a new school across the country. Which he minds a little less when he realizes it’s the same school Will goes to…except Ollie finds that the sweet, comfortably queer guy he knew from summer isn’t the same one attending Collinswood High. This Will is a class clown, closeted – and, to be honest, a bit of a jerk.

Ollie has no intention of pining after a guy who clearly isn’t ready for a relationship, especially since this new, bro-y jock version of Will seems to go from hot to cold every other week. But then Will starts “coincidentally” popping up in every area of Ollie’s life, from music class to the lunch table, and Ollie finds his resolve weakening.

The last time he gave Will his heart, Will handed it back to him trampled and battered. Ollie would have to be an idiot to trust him with it again.

Right? Right.

Once again Sophie Gonzales has written a book about a US high school without making me so consciously in-your-face aware we are in a USA high school. I love this. I love I can enjoy overseas books without having to endure the way the school is usually written.

It is promoted as Clueless x Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, which I can see. But there is a little bit of Grease in there too. The secret romance, the unexpected return of a summer fling. It’s even got great character development.

There is a good development from casual homophobic jokes to friendly support. There’s a healthy balance of standing up for friends, knowing when to keep quiet and when not too. Gonzales has made this a book about the characters and their lives and not about being in school. It’s fabulous.

Gonzales explores the issue of terminal illness and grief in a way that is always there but doesn’t take over the story. It’s the reason for everything and yet the story still moves on without there needing to be detailed explanations and descriptions of hospitals. Having Ollie be the babysitter and still a teenager means he is there to help and mind the kids while the adults deal with the serious side of things. It keeps the intensity and the emotional impact whilst not taking away from the other story.

Even the “epic summer” that is told through various flashbacks is about the connection between Will and Ollie. I think the usual blatant references to the fact someone is in high school, not sure what to do with their life, how summer break is a major event – all of that which annoys me normally in American books is subdued while still being key factors in the plot. Having it not blatantly pointed out and constantly referenced means you can focus on the story. We understand these are important times, it doesn’t need to be drilled into the reader and Gonzales does a spectacular job exploring the same themes without doing that.

The development of Will and Ollie as a pair while Will is trying to be a different person at school and Ollie coming to terms with his new situation and surprise secrets was good. Realistic progression of feelings, realistic behaviour around friends and their own issues. You could feel them planning their lives, still having teen drama, and living their high school experience without it feeling like it was shoved in your face. I think I need Gonzales to write all future USA YA books set in a high school please.

You can purchase Only Mostly Devastated via the following

QBDDymocks | Booktopia

WorderyBlackwell’s | Angus & Robertson

Fishpond | Amazon | Amazon Aust | Audible

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Spin With Me by Ami Polonsky

Published: 16 February 2021 (print)/16 Feb 2021 (audio) Goodreads badge
Publisher:
Farrar, Straus and Giroux (Byr)/Tantor Audio
Pages: 224/5 hrs and 6 mins
Narrator: Amanda Dolan
Format: Audiobook
Genre: Young Adult
★   ★   ★ – 3 Stars

In this elegant dual narrative, Essie is a thirteen-year-old girl feeling glum about starting a new school after her professor dad takes a temporary teaching position in a different town. She has 110 days here and can’t wait for them to end. Then she meets Ollie: delicate, blue eyes, short hair, easy smile. At first, Essie thinks she has a typical crush on a beautiful boy. But as her crush blossoms, she soon realizes that Ollie is not a boy or a girl, but gender non-binary.

Meanwhile, Ollie is experiencing a crush of their own . . . on Essie. As Ollie struggles to balance their passion for queer advocacy with their other interests, they slowly find themselves falling for a girl whose stay is about to come to an end. Can the two unwind their merry-go-round of feelings before it’s too late?

As much as I love the range YA offers, it’s important to remember this ranges characters from 13 to 17 or 18 at times. This is one of those times a character is 13 and I think that’s important in how you view the story. There’s nothing bad, but you can definitely attribute the naivety and the newness of puberty and feelings being worked out in a clumsy way that feels right for a thirteen year old. Polonsky does a great job of pointing out that it is a weird thing Essie does and in a gentle way pulls her up on how she treats Ollie and their identity. On the flip side, the circumstances of being more mature than a parent would think but also needing the guidance one can give is explored wonderfully.

I like that it isn’t normalised to start asking private questions, even if it is innocent curiosity and trying to understand. Sometimes you have to leave it alone. But it’s also great as Essie suddenly realising she might have to look at her own identity, while still lamenting why anyone needs a label and what that means.

It is a fast read, one clearly directed but it’s a good exploration of family, friends old and new, growing up and new beginnings. It’s not quite an introduction to gender –  Polonsky doesn’t go that deep. But it is a personal reflection about what it means when these feelings come up and how to navigate them. As one character says the kids are far more ok with it than the adults so it isn’t a big deal, but it still is something that requires understanding and as a gentle introduction this is a good start.

I loved that this story makes a point to constantly remove itself from being a book About Gender. As Ollie gets to narrate we see the struggle to be themselves instead of their sole identity being their identity. There’s more to being a person than their gender and it’s a fight Ollie has and the balance to be seen as other than the non-binary kid is real.

The story is told from 110 days down to the final days from Essie’s perspective then it switches to the same 110 day countdown from Ollie’s. I knew it was a duel narrative but I thought it was alternating simultaneous, but I didn’t mind, especially cause we get a speed run of Ollie’s since their side is less detailed than Essie’s while still getting their story in their own words.

This is a great book to bridge the gap between primary school read and early high school. It’s about starting a new school, finding friends, growing up, and it still reads like a YA novel. There’s gripes with parents, trying to grow up and be cool but still dealing with being children and discovering their footing in a changing world.

You can purchase Spin With Me via the following

QBDDymocks | Booktopia

 Blackwell’s | Angus & Robertson

Fishpond | Amazon | Amazon Aust

I Kissed Shara Wheeler by Casey McQuiston

Published: 3 May 2022 (print)/14 October 2024 (audio) Goodreads badge
Publisher:
St. Martin’s Press/Macmillan Digital Audio
Pages: 356/9 hrs and 24 mins
Narrator: Natalie Naudus
Format: Audiobook
Genre: Contemporary Young Adult
★   ★ – 2 Stars

Chloe Green is so close to winning. After her mums moved her from SoCal to Alabama for high school, she’s spent the past four years dodging gossipy classmates and a puritanical administration at Willowgrove Christian Academy. The thing that’s kept her going: winning valedictorian. Her only rival: prom queen Shara Wheeler, the principal’s perfect progeny.

But a month before graduation, Shara kisses Chloe and vanishes.

On a furious hunt for answers, Chloe discovers she’s not the only one Shara kissed. There’s also Smith, Shara’s longtime quarterback sweetheart, and Rory, Shara’s bad boy neighbour with a crush. The three have nothing in common except Shara and the annoyingly cryptic notes she left behind, but together they must untangle Shara’s trail of clues and find her. It’ll be worth it, if Chloe can drag Shara back before graduation to beat her fair-and-square.

Thrown into an unlikely alliance, chasing a ghost through parties, break-ins, puzzles, and secrets revealed on monogrammed stationery, Chloe starts to suspect there might be more to this small town than she thought. And maybe—probably not, but maybe—more to Shara, too.

After seeing this book for months I finally caved and read it. At least now I know what it’s about and can stop thinking about it. The downside is I now know it wasn’t that good. This is a story I think may have worked well in a movie but in a book it sounds stupid played out.

Once you tolerate the Annoyingly American High School shoved in your face, the story is ok. I kept going for the mystery and the scavenger hunt but you suffer some annoying plot and dialogue decisions in the process. I wasn’t even a fan of the narrator, her voices are grating but the narration voice outside dialogue is good.

It is like a worse version of Paper Towns, and at least McQuinston acknowledges the similarities. But the fact that Paper Towns was pointedly not about tracking someone down, Margot was not someone who needed saving, just goes to prove this is a terrible way to bring it to a new audience because that misses the point of Paper Towns entirely.

I enjoyed the familiar scepticism that “cool” people only talk to you when they are lining you up for a trick or to humiliate you. I also enjoyed the real time evolution of the rumour mill and how even those who witness something with their own eyes start to believe what they hear about an event and try and spread it around. There was some self-awareness as other characters shoot that down. It was a new approach and I liked the pushback.

There is no satisfactory conclusion to this and it should have ended a lot sooner. Even with the “revolution” it felt tacked on at the end, even the few comeuppances weren’t that satisfying. If you wanted a grand reveal have it all happen and then throw in an epilogue, but the fact we have to endure the messed up life of a character, not even the main character, who helps her undo all her BS and her manipulation because she’s a lost fawn, was unnecessary. I’d rather sit through a wrap up epilogue that tells us this instead of having Chloe do all the work to save Shara, even if she does at least point out her crappy behaviour and manipulative tendencies in lieu of an actual conversation.

Yes, there is the whole suppressed high school, Alabama town thing going on which is supposed to be a justification, but it doesn’t make for an enjoyable read. Shara is not a character worth investing in, her manipulation despite how misguided it was isn’t worth the effort afterwards. Chloe goes through a whole thing tracking her down and it’s a lot of effort for no satisfactory ending.

The scavenger hunt part was intriguing, but when that fell apart the book wasn’t as enjoyable. The writing wasn’t pulling its weight and I don’t know whether it was the narrator or not, but the dialogue and story weren’t good. The first half was good then promptly drops off a cliff into the sea by the end. Four hours too long which at a nine hour book is just plainly a bad second half.

I am now unsure whether McQuinston is an author for me. It happens unfortunately and it’s happened before. I stop reading One Last Stop, and while I assumed Red, White, and Royal Blue was not great was because it was so about US politics, but it might just be this isn’t my kind of writer. But hopefully this queer, Sapphic romance is right up someone’s alley and maybe even the fact that Chloe does call Shara out on her nonsense is a small saving grace for the story. No one entirely gets away unaccountable despite their sob story.

You can purchase I Kissed Shara Wheeler via the following

QBDDymocks | Booktopia

WorderyBlackwell’s | Angus & Robertson

Fishpond | Amazon | Amazon Aust | Audible

When Aiden Became a Brother by Kyle Lukoff

Published: 7th May 2019Goodreads badge
Publisher:
Lee and Low
Illustrator: Kaylani Juanita
Pages: 32
Format: Picture Book
★   ★   ★   ★  – 4 Stars

When Aidan was born, everyone thought he was a girl. His parents gave him a pretty name, his room looked like a girl’s room, and he wore clothes that other girls liked wearing. After he realised he was a trans boy, Aidan and his parents fixed the parts of life that didn’t fit anymore, and he settled happily into his new life. Then Mum and Dad announce that they’re going to have another baby, and Aidan wants to do everything he can to make things right for his new sibling from the beginning–from choosing the perfect name to creating a beautiful room to picking out the cutest onesie. But what does “making things right” actually mean? And what happens if he messes up? With a little help, Aidan comes to understand that mistakes can be fixed with honesty and communication, and that he already knows the most important thing about being a big brother: how to love with his whole self.

The story is of a transgender character, but the main point of the story is Aiden’s journey on becoming a big brother. The first few pages explain about Aiden but then the rest of the story is how they are preparing their home for a new sibling.

With Aiden’s voice it keeps the narrative at a child’s perspective. Aiden’s concerns about how the new baby will feel in their room, in their clothes, while throughout there are references to how he felt before he found the words to express who he was.

The illustrations are detailed and colourful. The various scenes are on display, often bringing the right emotion connected to the story whether it’s fun, adventurous or uncertain. Juanita captures Aiden’s emotions well and it adds another element to the story.

It is a sweet story and one that balances the new sibling apprehension and the trans child experience. Aiden’s journey isn’t the point of the story, but it is a foundation for his worries and his own experience that he doesn’t want the new baby to have. It’s great for kids as it’s from the perspective of a child and shows they have a lot of thoughts and worries that may go unnoticed.

You can purchase When Aiden Became a Big Brother via the following

 BooktopiaWorderyBlackwell’s | Angus & Robertson

Fishpond | Amazon | Amazon Aust

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