I Don’t by Clementine Ford

Published: 31 October 2023 (print)/7 November 2023 (audio) Goodreads badge
Publisher:
Allen and Unwin/W. F. Howes Ltd.
Pages: 370/9 hrs and 5 mins
Narrator: Clementine Ford
Format: Audiobook
Genre: Non Fiction
★   ★   ★   ★   ★ – 5 Stars

Incendiary feminist and bestselling author Clementine Ford presents the inarguable case against marriage for the modern woman. Provocative, controversial and above all, compellingly and persuasively argued.

“I want this book to end marriages. But more importantly, I want it to prevent marriages. Women are allowed to aspire to more than what we’ve been told we should want in order to be happy. Let yourself have a bigger dream than becoming the supporting role in someone else’s story.

Why, when there is so much evidence of the detrimental, suffocating impact marriage has on women’s lives, does the myth of marital bliss still prevail? If the feminist project has been so successful, why do so many women still believe that our value is intrinsically tied to being chosen by a man?”

In her most incendiary and controversial book to date, Clementine Ford exposes the lies used to sell marriage to women to keep them in service to men and male power. From the roots of marriage as a form of property transaction to the wedding industrial complex, Clementine Ford explains how capitalist patriarchal structures need women to believe in marriage in order to maintain control over women’s agency, ambitions and freedom.

I Don’t presents an inarguable case against marriage for modern women. With the incisive attention to detail and razor-sharp wit that characterises her work, Ford dissects the patriarchal history of marriage; the insidious, centuries-long marketing campaign pop culture has conducted in marriage’s favour; the illusion of feminist ‘choice’ in regard to taking men’s names; and the physical and social cost that comes with motherhood. 

But most importantly, Clementine Ford shows us what a different kind of world could look like for women if we were allowed to be truly free. 

I wasn’t sure I’d be interested in this book despite my love of Ford’s other books, but I adored it. The history of marriage and the role it’s played in society, women’s lives, and how it has changed over the years was fascinating. I loved the quotes that could have been from this decade but were from centuries ago. Women have always had strong opinions and thoughts about their lives and marriage and I loved being able to see that people have always been people.

I have seen the hate Ford gets from certain people both in the public eye and not, and while this blurb makes it sound like it’s a call for every woman to suddenly up and leave their partner in the middle of the night it isn’t that at all.

What Ford’s done is written a fantastic book looking at the history of marriage and how it has been used over the centuries to claim women as property, to control and subdue them, and, despite all the years of growth and change, there are still a lot of negative things that come from marriage even in the twenty first century.

The binding ties of marriage are different to the concept of being in a relationship and Ford has nothing against being with someone, but a lot of her book goes through the history of marriage, its evolution, and how it is still rooted in those misogynistic ways of the early incarnations. Not to mention how it wasn’t that long ago women still didn’t have full financial autonomy, security over their children, or safety in being able to leave abuse.

Even without the captivating chapters about power dynamics, household labour imbalance, and the societal expectations engrained in us from a young age, the insight into the wedding industry is fascinating. Ford delves deep at how they prey on people whose dream day can be exploited with price hikes, unnecessary frivolity, and how so often a huge party is just as acceptable compared to the pomp and circumstance of dresses, flowers, and sermons about obeying.

There isn’t a sole focus on the female perspective of marriage, and the analysis of the marriage equality debate was considerate and well judged. This is as much a look at the system and history of marriage as it is a call for readers to think critically about their choices and why they want to do this. If you go into marriage with your eyes open you can go in knowing what to expect. But Ford asks readers to decide if it’s something they actually want to do, or if it is something that think they have to do, are expected to do, will fill incomplete and unfilled if they don’t do, or if they will be thought of as lesser if they don’t. These issues are what she explores beautifully and with statistics behind her and a wealth of data I loved how accessible and eye opening this book made me, especially when I already thought I knew so much.

You can purchase I Don’t via the following

QBDDymocks | Booktopia

 Angus & Robertson

Fishpond | Amazon | Amazon Aust | Audible

Top Five of 2024

I had a lot of books on my Top Five list this year. If I finished a book I felt was worthy I would add it to the list and figured I would have a few by the end of the year. I had nine by the end of the year. Then of course I had to choose. They were all five stars for a reason, but which ones were better?

Thankfully there are honourable mentions but I feel those books aren’t some that just missed out. If I was in a different mood I might have a different list entirely, put a different lot on my list. Considering I had a few years where I only managed four maybe I shouldn’t complain about nine.

Of course I also have five picture books which doesn’t always happen. I love discovering an amazing picture book, there’s always so much variety because they can be funny, cute, heartfelt, or incredibly profound. This lot is a mixture of all of those.

As Happy As Here by Jane Godwin

I wasn’t expecting this book to knock me over as much as it did. It is so unassuming and it packs and emotional punch that changed me forever. It’s a beautiful Australian story about three girls in a hospital room and their lives that intertwine as a result. The characters are complex and flawed but wonderful at the same time. It’s a fantastic story to read through the eyes of a young girl while also coming at it with an adult’s perspective and understanding. Godwin has truly written a phenomenal story. If I could give it ten out of five I would.

 

My Family and Other Suspects by Kate EmeryMy Family and Other Suspects by Kate Emery

What grabbed me first about this was the great narrative voice. Emery brings our teen narrator to life so well and engages you early on with this fun mystery. It is funny, openly addresses the reader in a unique way while never taking you out of the story, and the mystery element is creative and keeps you guessing. It is a book that look deceptively lighthearted but manages to still be an amazing read.

 

The Pause by John LarkinThe Pause by John Larkin

An incredible book reminiscent of Sliding Doors and the consequences of choice. How one decision can alter the world and change your life. It is a book about mental illness and suicide, which it explores realistically, but still brings the teen perspective and opinions while not making it too light or too heavy. A gorgeous book that highlights the stress of growing up and what it means to be alive.

 

I Don’t by Clementine FordI Don't by Clementine Ford

I wasn’t sure I’d be interested in this book despite my love of Ford’s other books, but I adored it. The history of marriage and the role it’s played in society, women’s lives, and how it has changed over the years was fascinating. I loved the quotes that could have been from this decade but were from centuries ago. Women have always had strong opinions and thoughts and I loved being able to see people have always been people.

 

Husband Material by Alexis HallHusband Material by Alexis Hall

I love these boys, and any chance to revisit their messy, loving lives I will jump at. Hall has written a story that draws you in immediately and is complicated, deep, loving, and familiar as we keep up with the lives of Oliver and Luc. This is the sequel to Boyfriend Material (also amazing) and I love that we get to see the next stage of their relationship. The characters are fun, so real, and reading about their lives makes you envious of their friendships.

 

 

Honourable Mentions

The Suffering Game by Clint McElroy

Straight Expectations by Calum McSwiggan

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin

Mort by Terry Pratchett

 

 

Top Five Picture Books

The Littlest Turtle

The Littlest Turtle by Lysa Mullady

Something’s Fishy

Something's Fishy by Jean Gourounas

I am Stuck

I Am Stuck by Julia Mills, Julia Mills

Peep!

Peep! by Meg McLaren

Woo Hoo! You’re Doing Great

Woo Hoo! You're Doing Great! by Sandra Boynton

Top Five of 2023

Last year I made the decision to change up my Top Five lists because a few of the books I was simply adoring hadn’t actually breached the five star mark. Which in itself is a fascinating discovering since I am the one scoring these books. These books stuck with me, I found myself thinking about them all the time but somehow they never got a top score. My new plan was to include books that I thought were amazing reads even if I didn’t give them five stars (again, my own logic makes no sense, don’t look at it too closely).

I think realising I had a lot of rereads last year so not having anything to really shout about was weird. Not that rereads are bad, but it’s always nice to have new books to shout about. Having said that, new plan in tow as I went through my reads of 2023, this time I actually have five new reads of top scoring books I want to shout about. Go figure.

I had one book in my Top Five early on, the rest I had to look through my list a few times but I think I’m quite happy with my choice. Picture books I was substantially short on reading last year, but the ones I read were pretty great, just not as amazing as I have experienced in the past. Having said that, a couple snuck is as top reads of the year.

These are my top reads of 2023.

Imogen, Obviously by Becky Albertalli

This was a must read when I read the blurb and I am so glad it held up. There is a wonderful mix of queer rep in this story as well as a wonderful example of the dangers of being too defensive of labels, communities, and not allowing people to feel safe enough to explore who they might be. I love Albertalli exploring new environments to show it isn’t only high schoolers discovering who they are and taking chances. This university story follows Imogen as she takes scary steps to make new friends and adapt to changes in her world. The emotional and societal observations hit all the right notes and the characters bring this story to life making it feel universal despite the US setting.

 

Dracula Daily by Matt Kirkland

I have been talking about Dracula Daily for a couple years now and finally Kirkland released his book that brought together the amazing online community our year long read produced in 2022. This is the same classic story that has been around for a century but is told chronologically the way Dracula Daily produced via email. Instead of emails it’s now in one convenient place but it also includes the commentary from around the world. It also includes the jokes, the typos, the artwork, not to mention the in-depth analysis that made you realise the level of detail and depth in this classic that is often overlooked in film adaptations and what people assume the book is about. I loved both my reads of Dracula this way, and I love this book even more seeing how it brought people together to create something unique like this.

 

Royals by Tegan Bennett Daylight

I adored this book. Bennett Daylight balances the satisfaction of providing answers with keeping some mystery alive and it works phenomenally. There is an easy enough premise but I loved how this story is told and how things are revealed. The story of a group of teenagers trapped in a shopping centre has the potential to be so many things and Bennett Daylight hits them all. The characters are diverse and unique and they bring as much to the story as the environment does. I know I will be rereading this story a lot because I truly could never tire of this amazing story.

 

 

The Eleventh Hour by Clint McElroy

It’s a given these books are going to end up in my Top Five each year they are published. The team does a fantastic job translating this story from podcast to visual medium and they’ve smashed it once again. This a continuation of The Adventure Zone series and takes our trio of heroes onto their next adventure. For all the goofs, jokes, and magical D&D content, this a powerful story about consequence and how decisions we make impact our lives.

 

 

Maybe Next Time

A very clever take on the time loop trope and I loved how Major builds on what you expect from the trope to making it her own. There is heart and humour, but what I loved was how Emma deals with the world around her and how it would be easy to see fault in her but at the same time you understand the situation she is in. This didn’t go where I expected which was great and I loved going on the journey and seeing the characters evolve around the story.

 

 

 

Honourable mentions

If I See You Again Tomorrow by Robbie Couch

The First to Die at the End by Adam Silvera

 

PICTURE BOOKS

My Own Way by Joana Estrela

Piranhas Don’t Eat Bananas by Aaron Blabey

Including these books because they were so close to a 5 star it feels wrong not to include them, especially since I’m short.

I Saw Pete and Pete Saw Me by Maggie Hutchings

What Happened to You by James Catchpole

 

Top Five of 2022

I did not realise until writing this I had so many rereads in my five star category. I thought there’d be more but clearly I was not that generous last year. I thought about adding some four stars but that is not the rules here. I had 25 to choose from and most of them were in a series or rereads. On the flipside, if I had read the pile of picture books I had gotten from work last year when I borrowed them instead of early in the new year I would have a few more options for that category, but those will have to wait for next time. Like last year where I only had four main reads, this time I only have four in my picture books. I will definitely have to up my reading game this year and try and find some magnificent reads that are stand alone books.

But that’s a later problem. These are my top five reads of 2022.

Animorphs by K. A. Applegate

The highlight of the whole entire year was finally reading the masterpiece that is Animorphs. As a whole I have to give the entire series five stars. A lot of the individual books rated five stars, but I have to acknowledge the absolute way this series took over my life for two months and continues to live in my head as one of the most impactful things I’ve ever read.

 

 

The Martian by Andy Weir

This was a reread but it was amazing once again. I love the humour and the amazing science behind it. Mark is a great narrator and Weir tells the story in creative ways that are impactful and clever. There are enough little surprises that each time I am amazed by a plot twist because there’s tiny details I forget while other favouritess stick firmly in my mind.

 

 

 

Down Among the Sticks and Bones by Seanan McGuire

This is number two in the series but it was an amazing read. Wayward Children is a brilliant series and tells the story of children who have found other worlds and then returned to their original world often against their wishes. Down Among the Sticks and Bones is the backstory of two characters we met in book one and is an incredible insight into their characters and the imagination of McGuire. It’s a tad morbid and maybe lightly gruesome in context with mad scientists and paranormal figures but highly enjoyable with a fabulous narrative voice and dry humour.

Tomorrow When the War Began by John Marsden

Another reread but the entire series holds up really well. My favourite book is still number five Burning for Revenge but going on the whole journey with Ellie, Homer and everyone else after so many years was so much fun and it’s truly a classic Aussie YA series everyone should read. It goes through the realities of war, of growing up, of being teenagers, and enduring the unexpected and unfathomable.

 

 

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Even though I gave this five stars when I read it, it feels weird adding to my Top Five. It feels too obvious. Too…I dunno, weird. But it certainly a five star read. Douglas Adams is a genius with his words, his ideas, his ability to loop everything back together and weave the strings together where what seems nonsensical suddenly had greater meaning. And then of course at the same time make you realise nothing has meaning. It’s a fantastic book and a great introduction to the five book trilogy and even though it seems a clear choice, you can’t ignore it is still all these years later an amazing read.

 

 

Picture Books

The Rock From the Sky by Jon Klassen

Jon Klassen is one of my all-time favourite picture book authors and this is a new addition to his spectacular catalogue. The humour found in all his books is there, there’s drama and beauty, suspense and jealousy. The use of the page in terms of illustrations and text narration is amazing and I love the unexpectedness of the story.

 

Fluffy McWhiskers Cuteness Explosion by Stephen W. Martin

I was crying with laughter by the end of this book which is a solid review in itself. The illustrations are also fantastically cute, filled with colour and great character designs. The humour is great, it’s engaging for kids and adults, and the absurdity adds a whole other level of enjoyment.

 

The Littlest Yak by Lu Fraser

Once again drawn in by a cute cover and rewarded with a great story. The illustrations aren’t only adorable but there is a great story about wanting to big and grown up only to realise there is something wonderfully special about being yourself and not rushing to change who you are.

 

Mini Rabbit Must Help by John Bond

I was surprised how much I adored this book. Mini Rabbit is adorable and her desire to help and her curiosity and enthusiasm for everything is lovely. The illustrations are charming and really pull you into the story and make you invested in the story.

 

Top Five of 2021

I have a crisis. I don’t actually have enough 5 star books to fill up my top 5 for 2021. It isn’t like I didn’t read enough – 120 books is more than enough to choose from. Surely amongst those thousands of pages of reading I could find enough books to rave about?

Apparently not.

Though as I look through my list of five star books I can safely pull out 4 that were amazing reads of the year. Even the picture books I’ve found 5 that I gave full stars to, they all may not have been amazing in the same way, but they were all fantastic in their own way.

I felt my reading tapered off towards the end of the year with everything going on but I’m trying to get back into the swing of it. Whether I would have found my fifth amazing book if I’d kept up momentum I do not know. My reviewing certainly suffered but there is a nice backlog to dive into for the future. I’m only hoping that I can write a good review, I don’t usually like leaving it so long since I finished for those inevitable times I can’t actually remember what it was about.

But that is for a later time. This is to share my Top Five of 2021.

Sword in the Stars (#2) by A. R. Capetta

Sword in the Stars (Once & Future #2)The sequel to Once & Future that featured in last year’s list and it did not disappoint. It picks up after book one and takes you on another amazing adventure that is full of mythology, space, love, action and adventure and honestly every time I think about the world and narrative Capetta and McCarthy have created I am in awe of their talent. If you love the Arthurian legend and want all kinds of diverse representation and a kick-arse story than you MUST pick up this series but you also have to start with book one.

 

Loveless by Alice Oseman

LovelessI ADORED this story. Absolutely adored it. Oseman tells a beautiful story about growing up, self discovery and finding your place in the world and it’s filled with a range of characters that are delightful to get to know.

 

 

 

 

 

Birthday by Meredith Russo

BirthdayI will warn you that this book deals with some serious topics and can be hard to read at times but it is also so incredible powerful in what Russo is trying to tell us. I felt so much sympathy for these poor characters and their lives but there is hope which is important and no spoilers but there is light after the darkness. The format is unique and I love how Russo has told a full bodied story across numerous single days.

 

 

The Adventure Zone: The Crystal Kingdom (#4) by Clint McElroy

The Crystal Kingdom (The Adventure Zone Graphic Novels, #4)I love the entirety of The Adventure Zone podcast but this was also my least loved arcs so I was surprised to see how much I loved the graphic novel. I mean I still loved it, but it never stuck with my the ways the others did. But seeing it visually play out reignited my admiration for Griffin’s storytelling and Clint’s ability to convert an audio into a visual medium. The memorable, quotable moments are there and it’s another step in this journey we’re going on with this little band of misadventurers and I can’t wait to keep going.

 

 

 

Top Five Picture Books

Boy Who Tried to Shrink His Name by Sandhya Parappukkaran

The Boy Who Tried to Shrink His Name

The Tiny King by Tarō Miura

The Tiny King

My Shadow is Pink by Scott Stuart

My Shadow Is Pink

Things in the Sea Are Touching Me by Linda Jane Keegan

Things In The Sea Are Touching Me!

Green Lizards vs Red Rectangle by Steve Antony

Green Lizards vs. Red Rectangles

 

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