Lost in a Good Book

I don’t know why I feel such a sense of guilt writing this end of year wrap or, or any wrap up really. I think it’s because I put a lot of pressure on myself so if I don’t achieve the goal I feel I have failed. Even getting time to write this has been a challenge and certainly not my usual end of year schedule where it’s spaced out beautifully.

The weird thing is I felt little guilt over my neglect through the year, not so much because I didn’t post, but because I actually forgot a lot of the time so I wasn’t remembering to post. I think this also played into the fact I don’t feel I read a lot this year. I know I fell behind on my goal and I’m not quite game to check but I am almost certain I didn’t hit my target.

In other news I finished writing a book, have almost finished writing another. I’d like to think that played a role too but I know I am only grasping at excuses. I was incredibly busy with life and I think the combo of time, and not having a lot of books to think about, I didn’t feel the overwhelming crush of pressure and guilt about not posting reviews. Which I should be relieved about, but alas has actually made me feel guiltier on reflection.

It’s definitely a combination of the fact I have been doing this for so long, this was my tenth year, it was supposed to be better. But work and family commitments take up time. Life takes up time. In the past I’ve slipped because of illness, burnt out, holidays, plus a range of other things. But I know I can be better. Which I think is worse. I think my end of year tradition has become me lamenting about not doing things and neglecting this blog. I must stop doing that too (she says as she continues to do it).

Going into my eleventh year I am trying to be kinder to myself. Which, I know, I have said a lot in the past too. I make plan to change things up, change schedules, try and make it more manageable. But I think I am at a loss with plans. I think you can’t plan once you hit a certain point. I need to read more certainly, but also don’t be reliant on a schedule to keep.

If I read a book I will post about it. If I have a solid run for a while then I don’t I will try my absolute hardest to not feel weird about it. The blog will be here patiently waiting for my return.

I got to participate in a book release recently for an author who I have been reading since my very first year doing this. They were an author I picked up when I had opened my review requests (god how I miss those!) and I have been invested ever since. It took me back to those hectic but simpler earlier days. To be honest I think life and the general world was simpler then so it probably doesn’t count. But it has given me something to think about going into year eleven of this endeavour.

I honestly still love it. I love doing it. So why haven’t I been able to? I don’t think I will get an easy answer on that. I do think the lack of reading hasn’t helped. When a book speaks to you, and you love it, being able to sing its praises is easier. I think getting out of the habit made it hard. As hard as it is to make a habit, getting back to one I think is just as challenging.

I see the regular faces who like my posts when I do post and I want to thank you for sticking with me all this time. Through my weird schedules, my absence, through social media upheaval when nothing is seen, nothing connects anymore, and for still reading my words when you all no doubt have the exact same distractions going on in your own lives.

I am not ready to quit this. I do not want to give up on it. I only ask the world slow down a little and give me a chance to rediscover my deep love for this blog because it’s there below the surface, buried beneath a little dirt and mud but I have bought a shovel and I am willing to dig down deep to uncover it again.

Looking back I once again thrived in the first part of the year. I already have reviews lined up for next year so not doubt this will happen again. I read some wonderful books this year, not exceeding my goal or anything, I think it will be a tight finish if I meet it at all. Maybe with some last minute cheat shorty books but I think that’s ok. It’s definitely indicative of how I haven’t read a lot, couldn’t read a lot. But this is why I have thrown myself into audiobooks because you can listen anywhere, anytime. I’m 90% sure this is how I’ve gotten to read anything at all these past few years.

I’ve still got a few hours to go so reading will still be happening. I have added up my Book Bingo and matched the appropriate books to their places. I’ll do a separate post for those, but it isn’t as dire as I thought. One good things about reading so many books, and knowing my own tastes is I can get quite lucky by chance filling in those squares when I fall behind.

I reread last years wrap up, and it’s made me feel a bit better about everything. I definitely think I’m in an ok place going into 2024. I was always doing this for fun and my own enjoyment. If it ever stops being that I will worry, but for now, neglect and guilt aside, I am going into next year with this blog in tow, even if it’s a little battered and bruised and covered in a thin layer of dust.

But enough of that. For now I wish you all a happy new year and may 2024 bring you wonders and joy! I will be watching the fireworks with awe as per usual, and will step blindly into the new year with whatever may come.

As a whole 2022 wasn’t the great success I have had in the past. I completely forgot to do my Book Bingo – not even as in I forgot to keep track like before, more like I didn’t even make it in the first place. I did create my Top 5 list so that was something, and while I didn’t have a great posting year, I did try hard to come back by the end before the busyness of the holiday season took over.

I have been think a lot this past year about my blog and what I’m doing with it. I keep thinking if I haven’t got the energy to write the reviews I should stop, or find a way to scale back. But the problem with that is when I do actually force myself to write reviews and make posts I enjoy it. I love telling you about the books I’m reading and sharing them in hopes you’ll read and fall in love with too. Even the bad ones I can give my opinions and maybe sway you one way or another if you weren’t sure about reading something. I like this blog. I like having a place to share thoughts about my reading habits that isn’t on social media because I’m not the best at that. It’s not like I wasn’t reading amazing books either. I read some incredible books that I want to yell about so fingers crossed tapping into that passion will get me through.

The problem is, and I think it’s been mentioned enough times, the past few years have been hard. Hard for everyone and for a myriad of reasons. The reason I officially stopped in 2021 was because everything was getting too much and this was something I could step back from to make sure everything else ran smoothly. I genuinely didn’t know how hard it would be to come back to. The want was there, the desire, but actually making myself do it took more effort than I knew.

I have worked out that if I want to keep this going I need to prioritise it, and find the joy again in writing reviews. I still don’t think I will be able to do review requests again because being inundated with emails filled me with stress, and I felt pressured to say yes to everyone and in the end it fell apart. But I hope I am still sharing some lesser known books with you alongside the familiar and popular titles. One day I do want to return to them because honestly some of my favourite books were discovered through people putting their faith in me and asking for a review.

There’s good news in amongst all this retrospection. This year I am celebrating my tenth anniversary and I have two giveaways to celebrate. I will be doing my regular giveaway, but I will also be doing a destash of my shelves like I did a few years ago with my Loved Loot collection. I have been pruning my shelves of books I got in giveaways, bought with good intentions but never read, listened to the audio and don’t need the hard copy, books I read once and don’t need, even a few books I bought with good intentions at writer’s festivals and never touched. More details will follow but that is one of my plans for this year.

So that is all to come. I am putting a lot of faith that this year will not have quite so many…bumps in the road shall we say as the previous three years because this always brought me great joy and I hope in a small way it does for you too.

It’s been 84 years but I’ve finally returned to my blog. This isn’t even my first post back because the blogiversary had to be addressed (have you got your entries in yet?) but this is essentially the first post back after a long, planned but unplanned break.

I closed the tab on my computer that has essentially been open for the past 8 years. It was a break and one I did not plan on taking for so long (see proud self-proclaiming ‘I’ll be gone for a month’ post), but it was clearly needed but now with my blogiversary I knew I couldn’t let it go by. I needed that to get me back into gear because while last year I told myself over and over that I had to come back, it has only been through January that I’ve felt I’ve wanted to come back. So I got my blogiversary out and it’s kick-started something because I have that familiar feeling of wanting to write about books that I’m reading, want to share with you all my thoughts and recommend some good reads and lament about those that didn’t live up to my expectations. Which goes to show that I still love doing this, I haven’t been doing it out of habit or obligation, I still have that desire to share and talk about books and reading. So while the break was unexpected, it didn’t result in me never coming back again.

I am going to start off slow, mainly because I have not got any reviews in reserve so I’m going to focus on my wrap ups from last year and all the beginning of the year stuff I usually post late Dec/early Jan, and I will go from there. Baby steps to begin with but enthusiastic baby steps all the same.