I Don’t by Clementine Ford

Published: 31 October 2023 (print)/7 November 2023 (audio) Goodreads badge
Publisher:
Allen and Unwin/W. F. Howes Ltd.
Pages: 370/9 hrs and 5 mins
Narrator: Clementine Ford
Format: Audiobook
Genre: Non Fiction
★   ★   ★   ★   ★ – 5 Stars

Incendiary feminist and bestselling author Clementine Ford presents the inarguable case against marriage for the modern woman. Provocative, controversial and above all, compellingly and persuasively argued.

“I want this book to end marriages. But more importantly, I want it to prevent marriages. Women are allowed to aspire to more than what we’ve been told we should want in order to be happy. Let yourself have a bigger dream than becoming the supporting role in someone else’s story.

Why, when there is so much evidence of the detrimental, suffocating impact marriage has on women’s lives, does the myth of marital bliss still prevail? If the feminist project has been so successful, why do so many women still believe that our value is intrinsically tied to being chosen by a man?”

In her most incendiary and controversial book to date, Clementine Ford exposes the lies used to sell marriage to women to keep them in service to men and male power. From the roots of marriage as a form of property transaction to the wedding industrial complex, Clementine Ford explains how capitalist patriarchal structures need women to believe in marriage in order to maintain control over women’s agency, ambitions and freedom.

I Don’t presents an inarguable case against marriage for modern women. With the incisive attention to detail and razor-sharp wit that characterises her work, Ford dissects the patriarchal history of marriage; the insidious, centuries-long marketing campaign pop culture has conducted in marriage’s favour; the illusion of feminist ‘choice’ in regard to taking men’s names; and the physical and social cost that comes with motherhood. 

But most importantly, Clementine Ford shows us what a different kind of world could look like for women if we were allowed to be truly free. 

I wasn’t sure I’d be interested in this book despite my love of Ford’s other books, but I adored it. The history of marriage and the role it’s played in society, women’s lives, and how it has changed over the years was fascinating. I loved the quotes that could have been from this decade but were from centuries ago. Women have always had strong opinions and thoughts about their lives and marriage and I loved being able to see that people have always been people.

I have seen the hate Ford gets from certain people both in the public eye and not, and while this blurb makes it sound like it’s a call for every woman to suddenly up and leave their partner in the middle of the night it isn’t that at all.

What Ford’s done is written a fantastic book looking at the history of marriage and how it has been used over the centuries to claim women as property, to control and subdue them, and, despite all the years of growth and change, there are still a lot of negative things that come from marriage even in the twenty first century.

The binding ties of marriage are different to the concept of being in a relationship and Ford has nothing against being with someone, but a lot of her book goes through the history of marriage, its evolution, and how it is still rooted in those misogynistic ways of the early incarnations. Not to mention how it wasn’t that long ago women still didn’t have full financial autonomy, security over their children, or safety in being able to leave abuse.

Even without the captivating chapters about power dynamics, household labour imbalance, and the societal expectations engrained in us from a young age, the insight into the wedding industry is fascinating. Ford delves deep at how they prey on people whose dream day can be exploited with price hikes, unnecessary frivolity, and how so often a huge party is just as acceptable compared to the pomp and circumstance of dresses, flowers, and sermons about obeying.

There isn’t a sole focus on the female perspective of marriage, and the analysis of the marriage equality debate was considerate and well judged. This is as much a look at the system and history of marriage as it is a call for readers to think critically about their choices and why they want to do this. If you go into marriage with your eyes open you can go in knowing what to expect. But Ford asks readers to decide if it’s something they actually want to do, or if it is something that think they have to do, are expected to do, will fill incomplete and unfilled if they don’t do, or if they will be thought of as lesser if they don’t. These issues are what she explores beautifully and with statistics behind her and a wealth of data I loved how accessible and eye opening this book made me, especially when I already thought I knew so much.

You can purchase I Don’t via the following

QBDDymocks | Booktopia

 Angus & Robertson

Fishpond | Amazon | Amazon Aust | Audible

Top Five of 2024

I had a lot of books on my Top Five list this year. If I finished a book I felt was worthy I would add it to the list and figured I would have a few by the end of the year. I had nine by the end of the year. Then of course I had to choose. They were all five stars for a reason, but which ones were better?

Thankfully there are honourable mentions but I feel those books aren’t some that just missed out. If I was in a different mood I might have a different list entirely, put a different lot on my list. Considering I had a few years where I only managed four maybe I shouldn’t complain about nine.

Of course I also have five picture books which doesn’t always happen. I love discovering an amazing picture book, there’s always so much variety because they can be funny, cute, heartfelt, or incredibly profound. This lot is a mixture of all of those.

As Happy As Here by Jane Godwin

I wasn’t expecting this book to knock me over as much as it did. It is so unassuming and it packs and emotional punch that changed me forever. It’s a beautiful Australian story about three girls in a hospital room and their lives that intertwine as a result. The characters are complex and flawed but wonderful at the same time. It’s a fantastic story to read through the eyes of a young girl while also coming at it with an adult’s perspective and understanding. Godwin has truly written a phenomenal story. If I could give it ten out of five I would.

 

My Family and Other Suspects by Kate EmeryMy Family and Other Suspects by Kate Emery

What grabbed me first about this was the great narrative voice. Emery brings our teen narrator to life so well and engages you early on with this fun mystery. It is funny, openly addresses the reader in a unique way while never taking you out of the story, and the mystery element is creative and keeps you guessing. It is a book that look deceptively lighthearted but manages to still be an amazing read.

 

The Pause by John LarkinThe Pause by John Larkin

An incredible book reminiscent of Sliding Doors and the consequences of choice. How one decision can alter the world and change your life. It is a book about mental illness and suicide, which it explores realistically, but still brings the teen perspective and opinions while not making it too light or too heavy. A gorgeous book that highlights the stress of growing up and what it means to be alive.

 

I Don’t by Clementine FordI Don't by Clementine Ford

I wasn’t sure I’d be interested in this book despite my love of Ford’s other books, but I adored it. The history of marriage and the role it’s played in society, women’s lives, and how it has changed over the years was fascinating. I loved the quotes that could have been from this decade but were from centuries ago. Women have always had strong opinions and thoughts and I loved being able to see people have always been people.

 

Husband Material by Alexis HallHusband Material by Alexis Hall

I love these boys, and any chance to revisit their messy, loving lives I will jump at. Hall has written a story that draws you in immediately and is complicated, deep, loving, and familiar as we keep up with the lives of Oliver and Luc. This is the sequel to Boyfriend Material (also amazing) and I love that we get to see the next stage of their relationship. The characters are fun, so real, and reading about their lives makes you envious of their friendships.

 

 

Honourable Mentions

The Suffering Game by Clint McElroy

Straight Expectations by Calum McSwiggan

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin

Mort by Terry Pratchett

 

 

Top Five Picture Books

The Littlest Turtle

The Littlest Turtle by Lysa Mullady

Something’s Fishy

Something's Fishy by Jean Gourounas

I am Stuck

I Am Stuck by Julia Mills, Julia Mills

Peep!

Peep! by Meg McLaren

Woo Hoo! You’re Doing Great

Woo Hoo! You're Doing Great! by Sandra Boynton

12th Blogiversary (and Int Giveaway)!

Two half dozens, the square root of 144, the cardinal number that is the sum of eleven and one, and a dirty dozen. Here we are again, twelve years deep when I still vividly recall being astounded at another blog doing ten years and being amazed they’d been at it that long. It was an amazing achievement and yet I often never think of my own time blogging like that.

Blogiversary time is always so weird, I’m celebrating but sometimes it feels weird to mark the occasion I got a wild idea and after months of talking to myself about it I finally took the plunge. But it isn’t about me really, I like this time to share the love and appreciation for all the people who comment on my posts and who share them with other people. I love finding out that someone read a book based on one of my reviews and I like rewarding people for coming to share my little corner of the internet.

The books I am offering this year were some of my favourites from the past year like always. I have yet to put up my Top Five because I forgot it would play a role here and it’s going up next week. However, it works to my advantage because I have so many to pick from making up my giveaway books was easy because I was spoilt for choice on amazing reads.

There is a lot of young adult on the list, but there are also adult fiction, nonfiction, and a graphic novel so hopefully, if you do wish to enter, there is something in there to tickle your fancy. Some of these books were absolutely phenomenal and I will link reviews when I can, but even if I haven’t got a post yet, trust me, these books were so wonderful any of them would be a great pick.

An infographic that says Lost in a Good Book's 12th Blogiversary Giveaway. There is a selection of eight book covers underneath and a small picture of an owl holding a balloon. The background is a parchment colour with an ornate black border

The Selection

As Happy As Here by Jane Godwin

My Family and Other Suspects by Kate Emery

The Pause by John Larkin

I Don’t by Clementine Ford

The Suffering Game by Clint McElroy*

Straight Expectations by Calum McSwiggan

Husband Material by Alexis Hall*

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin

*Note: These items are sequels to other books.

To enter: For a chance to win one of the pictured books simply enter here and complete the Rafflecopter form.

Please note: This giveaway is international on the basis Blackwell’s ships to your country.

To see if you are eligible you can check their website.

Thank you for helping me celebrate twelve wonderful years of blogging and if you enter the draw I wish you the best of luck!

Giveaway runs until midnight AEDT on Thursday 20th February 2025

Book Bingo 2024

A few days ago as I went to write my book bingo wrap up I realised, despite announcing it to the world in January, I never actually ended up making it. Which is a shame because it is one of my favourite challenges, not only to do but to create. Who knows what happened to distract me. But now we are here, and I made one quickly a few days ago to keep my goals alive.

In an effort not to sway my results I pulled random ones from the past bingos I have made, as well as a few online ones. I picked things I knew I hadn’t selected before and some classics because there’s so much variety in a simple bingo prompt sometimes you always get something delightful.

Then the joy came from going through the 75 or so books I had read this year and seeing if any matched. I rarely keep up with bingo anymore through the year, I make it and see come December if I made a bingo. I like this approach because I do often hit my targets, but occasionally when I pick an out there prompt like poetry or something that isn’t usually in my reading wheelhouse I feel bad and try and get a last minute read it.

Looking back at my reading there are a lot I read back in January or March that feel like a lifetime ago, a good feeling since it felt the year flew by. I read a lot of young adult, and a few picture books, though not as many as usual. I balanced out my foreign reads with local, and attempted to diversify my shelf more in terms of genre, content, and character to mixed appreciation.

I finished series, started new series, and lots of Aussie reads though those #LoveOzYA ones are still hard ones to hit when you don’t have time to read a physical book. I did some power reads in the last few days, still sought out audios instead of the three books that are currently in front of me that are all on average 200 pages (why is that???). Maybe there will be a NYE miracle. The issue is reading takes time, even the shortest audiobook on 1.5x speed takes hours to read, but it won’t stop a mad attempt to finish books to tick off an arbitrary goal I set for myself.

So it’s been a weird bingo this year, technically made and completed in the span of a few days but an honest attempt was done. I am calling this a loose definition of a win. One because yes I did make a lot of full lines, but yes I did make this last minute and I feel making and completing a bingo in a week might not be in the spirit of the challenge. I have never been a fan of using one book for multiple prompts, and I read way more than 25 books a year so I have had choice on my side. Plus with some of my categories being broad or typical reads I am usually in with a good shot of a line or two being completed by years end.

Here’s to 2025 being a better organised bingo year. I may even make one up now while the guilt is still fresh. But for now here is the breakdown of my reading achievements. I will link those with reviews when they go up.

Graphic NovelThe Adventure Zone: The Stolen Century by Clint McElroy

Lesbian MCThe Quiet and the Loud by Helena Fox

RomanceLove, Just In by Natalie Murray

Chosen for a CoverPeep! by Meg McLaren

One word titleMort by Terry Pratchett

Heard about OnlineThis is How You Lose the Time War by Max Gladstone and Amal El-Mohtar

HistoricalMy Lovely Frankie by Judith Clarke

Fairytale RetellingOther Ever Afters by Melanie Gillman

Under 200 PagesI’m Stuck by Julia Mills

TV/Movie AdaptationDecember Boys by Michael Noonan

Picked up by ChanceUntidy Towns by Kate O’Donnell

Free ChoiceDeath at Morning House by Maureen Johnson

Won an AwardThe Pause by John Larkin

#LoveOzYAIt Sounded Better in My Head by Nina Kenwood

Own VoicesWhat are Your Words by Katherine Locke

Female authorI Don’t by Clementine Ford

Published this YearMy Family and Other Suspects by Kate Emery

Started but Never FinishedIf it Makes You Happy by Claire Kahn

Non FictionYou Don’t Have to Have a Dream by Tim Minchin

From TBR pileTurtles All the Way Down by John Green

Reread a SeriesPercy Jackson and the Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan

New AuthorTomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin

Newcastle Writers Festival Recap: Part Two

The Newcastle Writer’s Festival is always packed with amazing sessions and my Saturday was no different. I attended five sessions on Saturday and while I covered my first three in Part One, I’m covering my other two and my Sunday session in this second part.

Chris Hammer and Holly Throsby with Suzanne Leal

My fourth session on Saturday was Creating Memorable Characters with Chris Hammer, Holly Throsby. They spoke with Suzanne Leal about how they create characters who feel real and the development of their books and writing.

Suzi asked Holly if her towns Goodwood and Cedar Valley were real places but Holly explained they were made up but were similar to many other towns of that kind. She also explained that the reason she set her stories in the 90’s is because that was when she was a teenager and it felt natural to write about when she was a teenager herself.

Chris told us all about his book Scrublands and where the inspiration for Martin came from. There was no journalistic skill needed but he told us that his inspiration was that he had done journalistic stories like that before. Chris explained many people assume he is a war correspondent when they find out he was a foreign correspondent but he wasn’t.

Getting into character creation Suzi asked if Chris had an image of his character in mind or was he based one someone real. Chris explained he chose to keep Martin’s description broad, he isn’t vividly described in the book at all despite being written in third person. Holly worked on instinct, she initially had a couple main characters but nothing definitive, mainly an outline.

Chris said that while there is truth in writing what you know, there is also truth in imagination. He also spoke about how writing a novel is liberating compared to being a journalist. As a journalist you need to fact-check and protect sources, as a writer you can write the big stories first and fact-check it later. His story isn’t based on real events but are similar to stories he’s covered in the past.  Holly is also a songwriter and she spoke about how writing music and novels are different. She can’t write novels the same way she writes songs but there is a melody in her writing.

The audience asked insightful questions and one question was how both authors write distinctive voices, especially with so many different characters. Chris said since his story is through Martin’s perspective he must drag out different characters through their dialogue. Holly said it was a matter of imbuing the sense of the person to the page. Having heard of but not having read any of their books before I came away from the session with some fascinating insight and intrigue, and certainly with renewed interest in checking out their books for myself.

Clementine Ford with Amy Sambrooke

My next session was an evening session with Clementine Ford to discuss her latest book Boys Will Be Boys with Amy Sambrooke. Amy started off the session by asking why Clementine wrote her book to which Clementine explained that there were words and then there was actions. She felt there was a need to have these conversations about the things that came up in the book. It is the perfect companion to Fight Like A Girl and Clementine felt that you couldn’t tell the whole story without telling both sides. The second reason was the Clementine had a baby boy and become even more invested in creating a world where he won’t perpetuate harm nor be subjected to harm by others.

Amy asked Clementine to explain toxic masculinity, something Clementine said was a great term but one that is often misunderstood. Toxic masculinity isn’t all masculinity. She explained that men want to maintain the standard power, men also won’t get told off for being feminists unlike women. She said that men continue to be surprised by the #metoo stories which shows how they don’t understand the women in their lives. She said men don’t ask women about their experiences, a comment which resulted in an enthusiastic round of applause from the audience. She summed it up that toxic masculinity is that men can behave how they like until they have to say sorry and we’re meant to accept it and forget the pain it’s caused.

Amy brought up the concept of consent and why it is so contested. Clementine told a story of a friend of a friend who had GHB put in her drink at a club and how lucky she was to have nothing come from it. She questioned what could possibly be so broken about someone for them to do that, and just because this one woman was saved, who else wasn’t that night. She made the point that is isn’t just the perpetrators but those around them enabling them. People don’t want to acknowledge it’s people they know doing these kinds of things.

The conversation moved onto sex and morality and Clementine said it was never too early to teach consent. Not sexual consent but consent for kissing, touching, hugging; teaching children they don’t have to be hugged by people if they don’t want to. If they don’t want cuddles then they should be respected.

Male bonding was also brought up and this too has suffered, Clementine saying that the patriarchy breaks men in different ways. Not being able to have strong emotional male friendships was something that was causing suffering to men.

It was not all hopeless because Clementine left us with hope that things can change. She told us we need to raise kids in a way that doesn’t make this normal. Make it unacceptable to tell sexists jokes, racist slurs. She reminded us smoking was once so commonplace and people thought it would never change but if someone tried to smoke in a hospital now people would not only look on horrified but would berate whoever had lit up. She said humans are malleable and it will take time but we are capable of changing the behaviour of those in society. One thing that was a great conclusion to the session as the reminder that “power is not gained by taking it from someone else”.

This was a great session to end my Saturday with and one that was enlightening, intense, and fascinating all at once. I came back Sunday with vigour to see Clementine speak again on the panel Why Women’s Stories Matter with Kate Lilley, and Alison Whittaker. Trisha Pender spoke with these amazing women about their stories and why it was important that they were told.

Trisha Pender with Kate Lilley, Alison Whittaker, and Clementine Ford

Kate’s work Reckoning emerged after the #metoo movement but it was a work long in the making. Alison entered into a conversation she hadn’t entered into before. She had hoped to address a specific audience with Blakwork but it turned out to be a small percentage of the audience she received. The book she wrote was an entirely different book in the hands of a white woman than it was in the hands of a queer aboriginal woman. Clementine’s book is a companion piece to her first book telling the other half, Fight Like A Girl isn’t a universal story but the things explored in Boys Will Be Boys harms everyone.

Each woman read from their books and I was fascinated by Alison’s poem “A Love Like Dorothea”, a reworking of the poem My Country by Dorothea Mackellar which is a love letter to 19th century Australia but which ignores the Aboriginal presence entirely.

Amy asked the panel how the political climate influence their books, especially the 2018 NAIDOC theme “Because of her, we can!”. Kate said there is now a cultural shift to take these stories seriously which has moved her to write things with very personal motives. Alison said it was rematriation as a resolution to colonialism, while Clementine said nothing political changed her view, she was always going to write this story. She did say though that the public conscious shifted to have an eagerness to learn about things outside of themselves and while there is still resistance, people are having the conversations.

Clementine read a passage from her chapter Girls on Film and why women’s stories matter. She brought up the Captain Marvel and Ghostbusters backlash and said there is an (incorrect) insistence from people that no one wants to see these stories because they don’t want to see these stories. If we’re only told one story then we think only one story counts.

Trisha said that they always have sessions like this at festivals but they’re still needed. Women’s stories aren’t reviewed as often as men’s. Kate said that literary reviewing in Australia is terrible and not taken seriously. On the subject of diversity Alison worried what it means to be put in the diverse box. The weight of expectation is there even for not important works as people are asked to bear that and think that presence is enough when it isn’t.

The whole panel spoke about the use of humour in their writing and how it is a necessity because the writing can be dark. Clementine said that men are easy to joke about but they are not very good at laughing at themselves. She said that women are extremely funny, our use of sarcasm and in the matters of our lives. The humour is not understood by the people who the joke is about because they don’t understand our stories.

It is always such a thrill listening to these kinds of sessions because not only do you get to hear from people you may never have discovered, but the conversation is so captivating and broad and enlightening. No matter what the session was about I often come out of these festivals with inspiration whether for my own work or simple to change the world. It is a wonderful feeling and one of the reasons I love coming to these festivals. I cannot wait until the next Newcastle Writers Festival next year and I have no doubt Rosemarie Milsom and her team will excel once more.

 

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