Lost in a Good Book

Published: 31 October 2023 (print)/7 November 2023 (audio)
Publisher: Allen and Unwin/W. F. Howes Ltd.
Pages: 370/9 hrs and 5 mins
Narrator: Clementine Ford
Format: Audiobook
Genre: Non Fiction
★   ★   ★   ★   ★ – 5 Stars

Incendiary feminist and bestselling author Clementine Ford presents the inarguable case against marriage for the modern woman. Provocative, controversial and above all, compellingly and persuasively argued.

“I want this book to end marriages. But more importantly, I want it to prevent marriages. Women are allowed to aspire to more than what we’ve been told we should want in order to be happy. Let yourself have a bigger dream than becoming the supporting role in someone else’s story.

Why, when there is so much evidence of the detrimental, suffocating impact marriage has on women’s lives, does the myth of marital bliss still prevail? If the feminist project has been so successful, why do so many women still believe that our value is intrinsically tied to being chosen by a man?”

In her most incendiary and controversial book to date, Clementine Ford exposes the lies used to sell marriage to women to keep them in service to men and male power. From the roots of marriage as a form of property transaction to the wedding industrial complex, Clementine Ford explains how capitalist patriarchal structures need women to believe in marriage in order to maintain control over women’s agency, ambitions and freedom.

I Don’t presents an inarguable case against marriage for modern women. With the incisive attention to detail and razor-sharp wit that characterises her work, Ford dissects the patriarchal history of marriage; the insidious, centuries-long marketing campaign pop culture has conducted in marriage’s favour; the illusion of feminist ‘choice’ in regard to taking men’s names; and the physical and social cost that comes with motherhood. 

But most importantly, Clementine Ford shows us what a different kind of world could look like for women if we were allowed to be truly free. 

I wasn’t sure I’d be interested in this book despite my love of Ford’s other books, but I adored it. The history of marriage and the role it’s played in society, women’s lives, and how it has changed over the years was fascinating. I loved the quotes that could have been from this decade but were from centuries ago. Women have always had strong opinions and thoughts about their lives and marriage and I loved being able to see that people have always been people.

I have seen the hate Ford gets from certain people both in the public eye and not, and while this blurb makes it sound like it’s a call for every woman to suddenly up and leave their partner in the middle of the night it isn’t that at all.

What Ford’s done is written a fantastic book looking at the history of marriage and how it has been used over the centuries to claim women as property, to control and subdue them, and, despite all the years of growth and change, there are still a lot of negative things that come from marriage even in the twenty first century.

The binding ties of marriage are different to the concept of being in a relationship and Ford has nothing against being with someone, but a lot of her book goes through the history of marriage, its evolution, and how it is still rooted in those misogynistic ways of the early incarnations. Not to mention how it wasn’t that long ago women still didn’t have full financial autonomy, security over their children, or safety in being able to leave abuse.

Even without the captivating chapters about power dynamics, household labour imbalance, and the societal expectations engrained in us from a young age, the insight into the wedding industry is fascinating. Ford delves deep at how they prey on people whose dream day can be exploited with price hikes, unnecessary frivolity, and how so often a huge party is just as acceptable compared to the pomp and circumstance of dresses, flowers, and sermons about obeying.

There isn’t a sole focus on the female perspective of marriage, and the analysis of the marriage equality debate was considerate and well judged. This is as much a look at the system and history of marriage as it is a call for readers to think critically about their choices and why they want to do this. If you go into marriage with your eyes open you can go in knowing what to expect. But Ford asks readers to decide if it’s something they actually want to do, or if it is something that think they have to do, are expected to do, will fill incomplete and unfilled if they don’t do, or if they will be thought of as lesser if they don’t. These issues are what she explores beautifully and with statistics behind her and a wealth of data I loved how accessible and eye opening this book made me, especially when I already thought I knew so much.

You can purchase I Don’t via the following

QBD |  Dymocks | Booktopia

 Angus & Robertson

Fishpond | Amazon | Amazon Aust | Audible