Published: 27 July 2025 (print)/20 January 2026 (audio) 
Publisher: Bedford Square Fiction/Bedford Square Publishers & W. F. Howes Ltd
Pages: 406/10 hrs and 59 mins
Narrator: Gabrielle Glaister, Joe Thomas, and Natalie Husdan
Format: Audiobook
Genre: Mystery
★ ★ ★ – 3.5 Stars
You think it will never happen to the ring of the bell, the policeman on the doorstep. What he says traps you in a nightmare that starts with the words, ‘I’m afraid…’
Sally Lambert is also afraid, and desperate enough to consider the unthinkable. Is it really, definitely, impossible to escape from this horror? Maybe not. There’s always something you can do, right?
Of course, no one would ever do this particular something – except the Lamberts, who might have to.
No one has ever gone this far. Until Sally decides that the Lamberts will…
I find it fascinating people who DNF this book having opinions when the book clearly tongue in cheek straight out says people miss the point and key moments by not reading straight till the end.
This is also the same people who rate it low because it’s ‘absurd’ when there is a key moment discussing how absurd the whole endeavour is. Hannah essentially grabs you by the shoulders, stares you in the face, and somehow without breaking the fourth wall manages to look you in the eye and say ‘isn’t this absurd?’.
This book is very self aware and meta but it never feels like it is, there is an ideal balance that keeps it in line. Yes it’s absurd and surreal and it’s weird, but it’s fun and that’s what absurd humour does. The point is that it’s ludicrous so you can hardly say it’s failed on that front. You can hardly critique it for being absurd when that is its selling point.
I personally picked this book up because a Stuart Turton quote was on the front and I adore his books. When I read the blurb I thought it sounded good and away I went. I will admit I was baffled, I was halfway through the book and there was no murder. But I had my theories, I thought it would suddenly turn – and it does – just not in the direction you expect.
When it does get absurd the only thing to do is go along with it because why not? As a result we’re rewarded as one of the readers who goes all the way to the end – another fun joke about readers bailing early and not understanding – because it gives two good wrap ups of the events away from the ‘story’ we’re being told.
It is definitely a matter of perspective and what the narrator/author found important. The Champ debacle and the need for some flare keeps a lot hidden, which they do admit, but the end result is an interesting switch and even in the narrative they admit it’s a weird focus. The layers of what is happening in the story is creative and well done, certainly nothing I’ve read before.
This isn’t a typical mystery or typical murder, but once you stop trying to make the book fit into your expectations and enjoy it for what it is you can see it is weird and baffling but also enjoyable and in a strange way interesting.
At times I had theories about narrator and about where it was heading. There are obvious set ups for murders and characters who could clearly take an extreme step and murder someone before any actual crime is committed against them, but Hannah balances it well so while these threads you weave are left hanging, you are off on another line and you’re swept away in the absurdities trying to grasp that really yes, no one would have done what the Lamberts have done.
I liked the ending because for those of us who finished it there are clues. The heavy implications that it has a hidden murder if you spot it, but could also be a coincidence is clever. It brings the story home after the weird plotline of the found book.
People who gave up at 8, 10, 25, and 30 percent didn’t even hit the story at all, we’re still in ‘on the run’ territory, the second half is where things happen and even with an hour to go we hit part two so the breakup of perspectives is amusing.
I definitely think you need the patience to see it through and get rewarded. You have your own puzzle hunt about what you think happened as you read and even if your theories don’t pan out, the mystery of what is happening or going to happen next is as much a traditional mystery set up as you can get.
You can almost hear the narrator and the author grabbing the reader by the face and very slowly spelling it out for them. There are words to that effect and it feels like they are telling you what is happening without saying anything specific. I found it really creative and a fun and clever story. Definitely worth taking a chance on it.
You can purchase No one Would Do What the Lamberts Have Done via the following
Wordery | Blackwell’s | Angus & Robertson
Fishpond | Amazon | Amazon Aust | Audible
