amber smith | Lost in a Good Book

The Way I Am Now (#2) by Amber Smith

Published: 7 November 2023 (print)/7 November 2023 (audio)
Publisher: Margaret K. McElderry Books/Spotify Audio
Pages: 229/10 hrs and 37 mins
Narrator: Jordan Fisher and Rebekkah Ross
Format: Audiobook
Genre: Contemporary Young Adult
★ ★ ★ – 3 Stars

Eden and Josh never had a fair shot at a healthy relationship. When they dated in high school, they each had their own problems getting in the way of the deep connection they felt toward one another. Unbeknownst to Josh, Eden was carrying the burden of a devastating sexual assault, while Josh was dealing with his own private struggle of having an alcoholic father.

Months after Eden and two other girls publicly accuse their rapist, Eden is starting college while her case goes to trial. Now when she and Josh reconnect, it seems like it might finally be in the right place at the right time for them to make it work. But is their love strong enough to withstand the challenges and chaos of college and the crushing realities of a trial that will determine whether Eden gets the justice she deserves?

It took me a year to read this after having read the first book in the duology. While I had conflicting feelings over the first story, having read the second made me remember the key moments of the first book and fade away what I found to be boring. I think the driving part of this was the Eden/Josh relationship. That was the better part of the first book and while I immensely respect the story Smith told the first time around, I liked this one better.

There really was something about Smith’s writing in the first book that kept me thinking about trying the sequel. I would see it there and keep it on my saved list to get to when I had a chance around other books I wanted to read. I was connected to Eden and Josh and if that was the pull of the sequel then that’s what got me to finally pick it up.

I really like the Eden/Josh relationship. They are good together, work through their issues together, and have a good communication style. It’s interesting how fond I feel for these characters, especially when I gave book one 2.5 stars, but the dynamic and honesty between the pair, the emotional connection, really grabs you. Maybe not intensely or dramatically, but it hooks on and doesn’t let go.

The story itself is good. We’ve been with Eden for three years and now she is at university and trying again with Josh, the right way round this time, dates and all. The characters we’ve met in book one are back. He mother is different, her father is worse, and her brother is more supportive and in her corner which I loved. The friends she has have also had their own experiences which change them and mixing all of these together brings its own challenges.

The story is nowhere near as dark or intense as the first, more reflective, less emotional (but not emotionless), and full of hope. There is intrigue and a compelling story right away so it keeps you engaged. You are enamoured by these people and want to see where their story goes. Having the history of book one behind you Smith doesn’t need to give us a huge reintroduction into any of these people because we know them already, the only difference is seeing how they’ve evolved.

The storyline from book one continues and we see the consequences from Eden’s action of outing her rapist which was great. Her bravery and the challenges she faced are played out and it was good to see the “after” moment of the big reveals and challenges that characters often make.

Aside from the court case in the background, this is a very character driven story as Josh and Eden find their place and work out their lives together. Their affection for one another never feels saccharine or unrealistic, it’s solid, especially given the risk and the dangers they started out with.

I was sceptical going in, but Smith does a great job finishing the story that began so dark and traumatic, moving it into a lighter more hopeful space. There is still the ongoing consequences of the first book which was a realism I appreciated. There are no perfect fixes, Eden isn’t magically healed, Josh isn’t always perfect, and the stresses of life and emotional tolls cause conflict.

I’m curious as to whether there will be a third. I don’t think it needs it, I think Smith finishes the story in a perfect place that is open and up to the reader. Especially given how it ends I think picking a solid conclusion would be risky. But if a third one came along I would no doubt be intrigued enough to see where it went.

You can purchase The Way I am Now via the following

QBD | Dymocks | Booktopia

Wordery | Blackwell’s | Angus & Robertson

Fishpond | Amazon | Amazon Aust | Audible

The Way I Used to Be (#1) by Amber Smith

Published: 22 March 2016 (print)/23 May 2023 (audio)
Publisher: Margaret K. McElderry Books/Spotify Books
Pages: 385/9 hrs and 36 mins
Narrator: Rebekkah Ross
Format: Audiobook
Genre: Young Adult
★ ★ – 2.5 Stars

Eden was always good at being good. Starting high school didn’t change who she was. But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her, Eden’s world capsizes.

What was once simple, is now complex. What Eden once loved—who she once loved—she now hates. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t. So she buries it instead. And she buries the way she used to be.

Told in four parts—freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year—this provocative debut reveals the deep cuts of trauma. But it also demonstrates one young woman’s strength as she navigates the disappointment and unbearable pains of adolescence, of first love and first heartbreak, of friendships broken and rebuilt, all while learning to embrace the power of survival she never knew she had hidden within her heart.

I know this is supposed to be about the emotional impact of trauma and it is. But as much as I tried to appreciate the story it was telling me I couldn’t get into it. It has been compared to Speak, and I think Speak was more impactful, but at the same time there is no one way to experience trauma and react to trauma so it’s also not a fair comparison.

Smith captures characters well with little effort. We understand exactly who Eden’s mother is early on, as well as her father. But living inside Eden’s head we see how trapped she is, and how the want to be asked or seen is like a burning flame no one is paying attention to. Starting at a young age it’s easy to see why she is voiceless, unable to even begin to process what has happened to her. The reveals through the novel are aptly timed and it’s interesting to see the changes made as each new year passes.

With such a sensitive topic it feels wrong somehow to say I got bored reading this. Smith jumps through four years remarkably well, we don’t have to read about every passing day and the jumps are a great way to see how time has changed Eden and those around her. It also helps you avoid having to fill in the blanks around conversations and answer questions that may come up. I had a lot of questions and how some things were feasible, but it is never addressed and time jumps miss a lot so it’s easy not to think about.

One thing I found, and it’s my own fault for continuing to read American YA, they are obsessed with always deeply setting them in a school to the small details. It’s 2024, and while this book was published in 2016, have schools in the States still not grown out of the class system at school of jocks and nerds, the weird kids and the ostracised? Everyone regulated to their own table, never shall they cross, and we will pick on you in the cafeteria for being different? Maybe if you didn’t all eat in one room you could sit away from the tormenting kids. Get some Vitamin D and maybe you’ll calm down. It’s sad in a way if the experiences are still like what the 80s movies always depicted. They wouldn’t keep putting it in books if it was relatable to someone’s life, right? It kicks off key plot points but it’s a tired trope but one I’m starting to think is still incredibly realistic.

What annoyed me most about this book is at the very end, the very final few chapters Smith managed to get me intrigued about the sequel. After putting up with the story, I now have to decide if I want to see what happens next. It isn’t that that we shouldn’t hear stories like Eden’s, far from it. It’s how such an emotional and empowering story managed to feel boring and unengaging. I persevered because you want to see where Eden’s going to end up, how she is going to tackle this through her developmental years and the impact it will have on those around her. I read enough into things myself to add insights. You can implant how she has denied her trauma because she was too young to understand, how she has embraced her rumours, or how she reacts to her trauma without even knowing about it. I only wish I had loved the story more because I think it is important.

The ending gave it the extra half star and I think the half star might get me to read the sequel.

You can purchase The Way I Used to Be via the following

QBD | Booktopia

Wordery | Angus and Robinson | Blackwell’s

Fishpond | Amazon | Amazon Aust | Audible